How to choose a Muslim husband or a Muslim wife
Have you decided to look for your spouse on the Internet because there is no other option? Don't be upset. If a few years ago dating for Muslims, nikah with chosen ones found on sites was considered bad form, now everyone has gradually succumbed to the dictates of social networks, and few will condemn your decision.
Just don’t forget that the virtual world requires exactly the same observance of the laws of the Almighty, adabs and norms of behavior.
How to choose a Muslim wife: advice for brothers
Everyone knows the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ transmitted from Abu Hurayra: “A woman is taken as a wife because of four things: because of her wealth, because of her origin, because of her beauty and because of her religion, go after the one who is committed to religion, otherwise you will lose!”
It is no secret that it is preferable to marry a God-fearing woman. However, other factors must be taken into account. Of these, appearance is one of the main ones. No matter how religious the chosen one is, if you don’t like her appearance, then it’s better to refuse the nikah. Mutual attraction is necessary in marriage, and if the spouse is not pleasing to the eye, then such a union will be fraught with problems.
You need to find out more about the bride’s disposition and character by talking with her family. A wife who does not obey her husband can jeopardize the marriage. The husband has the right to demand that his wife obey him in everything, if this does not violate the boundaries of Allah.
Find out her financial situation, the wealth of her family. Discuss what standard of living you can provide for her. If a girl is used to dressing and eating well, living in a good house, and you bring her to a rented apartment where a crowd of people live, there is nothing for lunch except potatoes and pasta, and she is forced to ask for new clothes from her sisters, who give them “Bismillah” ", - not all women are able to withstand such a test.
Be careful: it’s easy to run into scammers on social networks and dating sites for Muslims. Having pityed the wooing brothers with stories about their plight, they lure money from them, and then, under various pretexts, refuse to make a nikah.
How to choose a Muslim husband: advice for sisters
The general criterion mentioned in the hadith from Abu Hurayrah is also valid for women. The best chosen one is the one who fears God.
Before you get married, look at what kind of person he is. When meeting, find out whether this Muslim was married (or is currently married). Did you get divorced and for what reasons? The ideal option is when your wali (guardian) clarifies these questions from the chosen one.
Do not enter into nikah without the presence and approval of your guardian. If you do not have a guardian, your guardian will be the imam of the mosque. Seek help from a serious, righteous, wise and experienced imam. Do not rely on strangers who may be offered as wali and imam.
Discuss the mahr and better not leave receiving the mahr for later. The size of the terry is up to the bride, but the best terry is the one that is easy to pay. For some, a prayer mat will be sufficient. For others - new clothes, underwear and jewelry to decorate themselves for their husband. Reducing mahr to a symbolic replacement (such as a date or a sura from the Koran) is highly discouraged by modern scientists.
You can understand Muslim women who refuse to show their photos and post them on dating sites. But understand that no man in his right mind would agree to marry someone he has not seen. Moreover, this contradicts the Sunnah, since everyone knows the advice of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ which he gave to his companion who wanted to woo a woman: “Did you look at her? Come and see, for truly, this will help to ensure that there is love and harmony between you!”
Pay attention to warning signs in the behavior of your future spouse. If you notice at least one of them, it is better to refuse nikah:
- 1. Refuses to meet the bride's parents and keeps it a secret from his parents.
- 2. Suggests keeping the nicknames a secret.
- 3. Doesn’t answer the question of how many times he was married and why he got divorced
- 4. The mahr avoids the discussion or offers to give the mahr later.
- 5. Makes big promises, but does not have a regular income or is employed in an unpromising field (construction, security, etc.)
In conclusion, I would like to wish brothers and sisters to be realistic in choosing a spouse. It is said that one day Khalid bin Safuan saw a group of people in one of the mosques in Basra and asked: “What is this gathering?” They told him: “There is a woman there who tells men about Muslim women who want to get married.”
Then he approached that woman and said: “I want to get married!” She asked: “What kind of wife do you want?” Khalid said: “I want her to be a virgin, but wise, like a married woman, or to be married, but innocent, like a virgin; she must be attractive when she is close, and also beautiful when I look at her from a distance; she must be from a rich family in which she lived in luxury, but then her family was struck by poverty - so she has the manners of the rich and the modesty of the poor.”
The woman said: “I know such a girl for you.”
He asked: “And where is she?!” She replied: “In Paradise! So work hard to find it!”
Do not look for an ideal spouse, but get married for the sake of Allah, seek Allah’s pleasure in your family, and then in Paradise the Almighty will make your spouses perfect.